


The Sorting Hat

by lemonsandstrawberries



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Domestic, Domestic Fluff, Harry Potter References, Humor, M/M, Slice of Life, Star Wars References, Tickling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-19
Updated: 2019-01-19
Packaged: 2019-10-13 00:00:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17477453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lemonsandstrawberries/pseuds/lemonsandstrawberries
Summary: Steve has strong opinions on every topic, including to what Hogwarts house he and Tony would belong. spoilers for Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows. requested on tumblr.





	The Sorting Hat

Steve sighed, closing the book. He shouldn't be surprised, really, but it still seemed unfair. He needed to rant.

"You know," Steve started loudly, finding his boyfriend standing across the room from him, working on a holographic screen. "I never liked how JK Rowling wrote Slytherin."

"Uh, what?" Tony asked, dimly registering that Steve was addressing him, lost in the world of graphs and charts. At least that was how it looked to Steve, Tony was reading some data and clearly seeing something Steve didn't. 

"It is the last book! And you are trying to tell me that everyone from Slytherin fled to hide instead of fighting against You Know Who. This seems like a cheap move. They can't be all bad," Steve grunted. He loved the series, he really did. But he also strongly believed in second chances. The story was lacking it for him. Bad people remained bad, good people remained good.

Tony paused his work and turned to Steve, the biggest grin spread over his face. "Are you seriously getting worked up over _Harry Potter_?"

Steve huffed. He wasn't in a mood to be taunted. It was a big deal for him. 

"How far in the book are you? I am a bit rusty on my _Harry Potter_ knowledge, but-" Tony sat next to Steve and took the book out of his hands. "Not all Slytherins are bad. See? Like Snape. He protected Harry all those years."

Steve shook his head. "Only because he was Lily's son. If Neville was chosen, he wouldn't give a rat's ass over him."

Tony chuckled, huffing his cheeks out to not let the laugh escape. Steve was seriously involved in the story. It was endearing. And Tony could humor him. Probably if he won't, Steve would just go to Sam and Bucky to vent, because, boy, those two were nerds. They even got married on the day school year in Hogwarts started and threw _Harry Potter_ marathons every couple of months. 

"Okay, how about Slughorn?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I see you reading this book again, and I am surprised you don't remember. Slughorn stayed and before the final encounter he fought Voldemort with other professors."

Steve just stared. That did happen, but-

"You just don't like Slughorn, because you are biased by his elitist treatment of students," Tony pointed out with a grin and Steve shrugged with an embarrassed smile. "See, this is why you fit in Gryffindor, you all are thickheaded and see the world in black and white-"

"That's not true!" Steve interrupted but was ignored and Tony went on.

"- unlike us, Slytherins, we adapt the situation to us and make the most of it-"

"You are not from Slytherin," Steve said in a serious voice, grabbing Tony by the wrist, eyes wide open as if he heard something awful. 

"Oh?" Tony's lips twitched into a smile. "Are you ashamed of being married to a Slytherin, Gryffindork?"

Steve smiled back. "I guess you will be ashamed of being married to a Hufflepuff." In Steve's opinion, Hufflepuff house was severely underrated and he was proud to share some traits of Hufflepuff. Loyalty. Valuing hard work. Fair play. Patience wasn't his strong point, but hey, he couldn't be all perfect. 

Tony tilted his head to the side, considering what he heard. "Oh yeah… You kinda fall into that category. You are like the epitome of Cedric Diggory."

"Does that make you mine Cho Chang?" Steve asked with a smile. He always thought of Tony as a mix of Ravenclaw and Gryffindor. Brave and determined and witty. 

"Careful, you know how that love story ended," Tony warned in a playful tone. 

Maybe it was enough reading for one day. Steve moved closer, pressing his thigh against Tony's, leaning in-

"Ah, one more question!"

Steve drew back, looking at his husband in a bit irritated manner. He really didn't have any patience for Tony spoiling their moments. "Yes?"

Tony's lips twitched into a smile. "Seeing that we discussed your book, I want to discuss mine now."

Steve huffed out a laugh. They could form a book club. "Okay."

"So… Are you a Jedi or a Sith?" Tony asked, smiling wider. 

Oh, that was an easy one. "I am Han Solo!" Steve exclaimed, finally reaching his goal and lounging himself at Tony to pin him down under himself. "I listen only to myself. And you are my beautiful Princess Leia and I will protect you with my life."

Tony whined playfully, quite comfortably smothered with Steve's solid and warm weight. He really felt protected. "Why I am a girl again?"

"Because you have the right hips and ass to wear that gold bikini for me," Steve explained, tracing light fingers over the curve of Tony's hip and the gently narrowing waist. 

Tony giggled, slapping at the intrusive hand. Seemed that it just encouraged Steve to be a bigger tease, and the light touch changed into quick squeezes of strong fingers, almost as if disciplining Tony.

"HA! Hahahaa! Steve, stop!"

"Only if you agree to wear a gold bikini."

"Nehehhever!"

Steve just grinned, hoping for that answer. Thankfully, Gryffindors were so stubborn and easy to see through. When Steve used both hands to prod and wriggle into Tony's sides, it was when the real fun started.

**Author's Note:**

> the views portrayed in this fic are mine. still can't get over it that everyone from Slytherin decided not to fight... I know that staying and fighting would mean fighting against parents or your classmates' parents but COME ON. Slytherin deserved better treatment than to be remembered like that.


End file.
